Lake Martin Blog

2006-07-26T13:24:00.000-07:00

LAKE MARTIN in the NEWS-

Bubble? We don't need no stinking bubble.

For those of you worried that there is a housing bubble that is ready to pop in the Lake Martin real estate market, maybe the recent mess of clippings will bring some new info.

Recently the Lake has been mentioned in the following publications, (in order of increasing circulation):

The Alexander City Outlook - which is lighting the way for us all, said in this article that "Alabama residents have long known of Lake Martin as a scenic getaway; now, the rest of the country is beginning to take notice."

MSN Money had an article on emerging second home markets that listed the Lake in the top 10 in the nation- with this blurb "Lake Martin, Ala. Bass fishing is big in this town nestled in the southernmost foothills of the Appalachian mountains. Nearby: Birmingham, Montgomery and Atlanta."

Barron's Magazine had an article in late May that stated:

In Alabama, a 320-mile lake whose waters are still drinkable is being developed by a conservationist. The pristine Lake Martin has become a destination for second-home owners not only from Alabama, Georgia and Tennessee but around the country.
"We're trying to make sure we're building something you can't get anywhere else," says Steven Arnberg, company broker for Russell Lands, of the developer of Lake Martin. The company is using building materials forged from native trees and stone. "It looks like the houses dropped from the sky," says Arnberg. Lake Martin is still being discovered, so there's probably upside left, despite 40% jumps in land values.

... Well that is amazing. I thought it might be true, but to read that Arnberg admitted this in a national publication really hits home with me. Houses dropping out of the sky! Holy Crap! What a potential hazard!! I don't know if these 40% jumps in land values will continue once people realize that a house might fall out of the sky on top of them or their loved ones, or their families, too. I must admit I have seen some of the new homes around the lake and I have wondered. My next question - what about the asphalt streets that service these houses? Mr Arnberg, please help us? Where will the next rash of falling houses happen? Lookout from above!! And what about the people that inhabit these houses? Do they fall from the sky as well? Save us Mr. Arnberg, save us my pretties ..................

2006-07-26T12:10:00.000-07:00

THIS IS CALLED A PUDDLE -

For those who might have never experienced rain, this structure is called a puddle. The recent drought has made them all but extinct.

At least the latest rains have brought back a few puddles to the area, causing the People for Ethical Water (PEW) to roll back their protests against the greenhouse gas emitting public.

Their concern is that the "global warming" caused by us callous Americans has contributed to the present drought and general lack of moisture. They have no comment on why, if their reasoning is accurate, that the melting ice caps would not put more moisture into the air and thereby have MORE rain, instead of less rain. When posed with this skip in their logic, they always retreat to their shelters that they have erected under Al Gore's ever burgeoning bosoms.

If PEW's views are to be believed, the lack of puddles is destroying the little man. Puddles, they claim, are good for the economy in many ways. For example, they splish splash water and mud on windshields, dirtying them so that city panhandlers can squeegee your window for a dollar. Never ones to take money "out of the economy" by foolishly saving it, the panhandlers take that dollar and immediately spend it on crystal meth. The crystal meth dealers take that money and spend it in Head Shops, the owners of which take their profits and buy weed, spurring the economy exponentially. Let's not forget that when the government spends billions to help all of them with their self esteem, that pumps back cash to the streets. Maybe we should listen to PEW and start worrying that global warming is slowing down the crackheads.

2006-07-10T13:50:00.000-07:00

Acapulco Rock - Now at least people know its name.

The recent tragedies at Lake Martin's Acapulco Rock have definitely been heartbreaking to say the least. Even though I grew up on the lake, I never have jumped from anything higher than Chicken Rock. Thank the Lord. I had heard enough urban legends (rock overhangs under water trap bodies, giant catfish, etc) to scare me out of it when I was young enough to try.

I guess the miniscule bright side of all this attention is hoi polloi finally call it Acapulco Rock instead of Chimney Rock. That has always irritated me. People would even brag - "I jumped off of the highest part of Chimney Rock" - not likely, cretin. Chimney Rock is actually close to where the rope swing is. If you are looking at the rope swing from the water, Chimney Rock is that tall spire to the left that looks like - you guessed it - a chimney. Any mouth breathing fool (below) who climbed up it and jumped off would either splat on another rock or be impaled by a pine tree.

To confuse the two rocks is to instantly identify yourself as a rube Johnny come lately to the lakey. Not cool. Pick up a map and orient yourself. Know Sand Island from Sandy Creek. The Narrows from Nero's Point. Baker's Bottom from Blooming Bottom. Please, make an effort.

2006-06-24T11:57:00.000-07:00

Si Mathison Update Link:

On a very serious note, anyone wishing to keep up with the news relating to Si Mathison can click here.

Si injured his spine when jumping off of Acapulco Rock last weekend.

2006-06-24T08:34:00.000-07:00

Shag and Bop Concert - Sponsored by Depends undergarments and Red Bull-

In an uncommon paring of two demographically opposed consumer products, Depends Undergarments and Red Bull Energy Drinks are teaming together to sponsor tonight's Shag and Bop Concert at the Lake Martin amphitheater.

For the unlearned, the Shag and Bop are apparently two dance styles favored by those crazy teens from the Leave it to Beaver years. Some call it Beach Music. Some call it a Kaiser blade. I call it a sling blade, hmmmmmmm. For those who go to the amphitheater, they will find that either the revellers will be free coffee crowd or the Free Bird crowd . Hence the sponsorships. Go and see for yourself. There really is no middle ground. It's one or the other. But, since I am a uniter, not divider, I will point out that the two groups have more in common than not.

Firstly, none can dance, which is a touch ironic given the concert theme. Again, seeing is believing. Go down to the stage, and all will, to a man/woman, be doing not the shag nor the bop but the "white overbite" (see below). I can say this because I am guilty too.

Secondly, they are all white.

But what's so wrong with a little fun? So what if the old folks can relive the years when they had fun? So what if the college kids can relive last Saturday night at the Supper Club? Answer - nothing. It is just too easy to make fun of the white overbite. Just make sure you tip the driver of the LMAT public transportation center.

2006-03-20T20:39:00.000-08:00

ANGRY BOATERS UNITE

Some friends of mine ... self described as "boaters" say they have been spreading the news about the proposed ban on big boats on Lake Martin. I tried to surf around and see where they are posting this on some boating forum, but I couldn't find it. Apparently it's an underground movement.

The plan is to unite, "tie up," and "party" just offshore of some neighborhoods that supposedly supported this law. That'll show them.

Eh?

First of all, I object to the use of the word "party" as a verb. I know I am not alone on this one.

Secondly, how will they pull this off? If the sailors of large vessels want to attend, they will have to start sailing to get there like 3 days beforehand. Since it would take 3 days to get back, the sailors would have to dedicate at least a week to a party, which is unlikely, as it would take too much time away from their other pursuits.

All the offended motor boaters, with their big gas guzzlin' crafts, would spend at least $1k a piece to get there and $1k to get back to port. That's a lot of fuel just to piss off some alleged rich folks. Which got me thinking, who is really behind this debacle? As the great journalist Bob Dandruff said back in the day - "follow the money." Who would have the muscle to influence the immensly powerful Clay County Coalition? To pull their strings to tee off a bunch of people who spend fortunes in gas to spend even more this summer? That's right! Our old evil punching bag, "the oil companies." Tired of having to worry how these awful capitalists collude with each other, I myself have pinned this oil for money mystery on one man.

Yes, I, a mere blogger, have solved the vast conundrum, have found the one man that is behind this and every plot that pits oil vs. hoi polloi. No, he's not the head of some Wall Street firm. He's the puppet master. Xenophobes, pat yourselves on your backsides. He has Arab connections. You thought he was retired. Maybe you thought he was dead. You were wrong. He lives.

2006-03-20T20:05:00.000-08:00

To the Boats ........ Everyone - to the boats.........

Quick - stop what you're doing and call Barefoot Bo Jordan and tell him to cancel that order to repair your 700 horsepower outboard on your 14 foot jonboat. Or maybe you'll have to call your naval architect in Kennebunkport to reneg on the 70 foot double masted sailboat he's designing. Both crafts will soon be as illegal as Cheech and Chong's sloop.

If the Alabama State Senator from Lineville has is way, that is, in his proposed bill.

Conspiracy theories abound.

I don't blame anyone for not wanting our Lake to become like Lake Lanier. But does it seem a little odd to anyone but me that the solution should come from Lineville? Have they figured it all out? Maybe Clay County (that's tag number 22 for those who are keeping score at home) has found the balance between economic progress and peaceful living that the rest of the civilized world has sought. Overcrowded in India? Look towards Lineville!!! Desolate in Iceland? Model Ashland! Okay, okay. Maybe Clay County is not exactly the thriving economy that it should be, what with so many fabulous economic minds there. But surely it is on the way. Surely, they would take care of "they own porch" - before they start sweeping the whole state's.

Right?

2006-02-11T13:07:00.000-08:00

GEOCACHING HITS LAKE MARTIN -

To Geocache is to wander around with a GPS in search of something. On Lake Martin, it's another good excuse to ride around in the boat with a cool one. Geocaching.com defines it as:

Geocaching is an entertaining adventure game for gps users. Participating in a cache hunt is a good way to take advantage of the wonderful features and capability of a gps unit. The basic idea is to have individuals and organizations set up caches all over the world and share the locations of these caches on the internet. GPS users can then use the location coordinates to find the caches. Once found, a cache may provide the visitor with a wide variety of rewards. All the visitor is asked to do is if they get something they should try to leave something for the cache.

In the September issue of Lake Magazine, the new sport was covered as the reporter hopped abord with a local Geocacher, Johnny Dark of Alexander City. Some of you may know Johnny as a lay preacher on the funeral circuit.

Anyway, it was a great article if you happened to catch it. You can link in to the article if you sign up for Lake Mag's Big Brother. For those of you who haven't tried it, having a GPS on the lake makes it a lot easier to, say, get from Kowaliga to Lake Hill in the dark. I highly recommend it.

2006-02-11T13:01:00.000-08:00

Finally - a blog dedicated to Lake Martin, Alabama, playground of many. Some are rich of wallet yet poor of taste, others may be thin in the pocket yet know how to have a good time. Whatever your persuasion or station, know that this blog's for you.